I was told that I needed to post more recipes on my cooking blog. I know I am a big time slacker when it comes to that blog. I’ve thought about deleting it all together, because I don’t update it as regularly as I should. This proposal was met by protest. I promise to do better about cooking, but it’s hard cooking for one person. I’ll tell you what. You find me someone to cook for and I’ll start posting recipes.
I have this urge to do something, but I don’t know what. I want to be my own boss, but I have no flippin’ idea what I want to do. I want to go on vacation, but I don’t know where I want to go. I want to be good at something, enjoy doing it and then do that for the rest of my life. Unfortunately there is nothing that I’m good at. I’m okay at a lot of things. I’m just not stellar at anything in particular.
I was listening to Kidd Kraddick this morning and they were interviewing Shakira. She said something that’s been replaying in my head all day. She enjoys herself more in her thirties than she ever did in her twenties. She’s more confident and all around happier.
I lived in my own little world through most of my twenties. I was in a long term relationship that seemed perfect on the outside. Everyone thought we were going to get married. Everyone except me and Philip. We grew up together and there will always be a special place for him in my heart.
I don’t think I really started living until I met B though. He taught me to be independent and to take risks. Every day was different and I learned that I wasn’t as uptight as I thought I was. I was open to new experiences and he brought that to me. I will always be grateful to him for that. Those of you who know me will probably agree that I’m not the same person that I was a couple of years ago. I don’t know if I’m a better person now than I was then. I just know that I am able to see things differently and I know that I believe in people more. I’m less judgemental for sure.
So as my thirties approach, I want to live the life that I always dreamed of living. Like Vivian Ward said, “I want the fairy tale.”
Can I tell you a secret though… I don’t know what kind of life that is. I have no idea what I want. I had all these plans before. They change with the passing of time and the people that come and go, but I always had plans. I feel like as you get older the more plans for the future you should have. I think it’s me. I’m not doing something or I’m not doing something right. I’m good at following directions. Too bad life doesn’t come with a manual.
I don’t know when, but I fell off the path and I can’t quite seem to get back on it. I have this urge to start over somewhere else. Nikki and Haley did it. They packed up and moved to different cities. Athica is about to do it. I want that. I want to start over again. The difference though, is that they all had/have good reasons for leaving. I have a good reason too. However I don’t think running away is good enough.
