When I grow up

I am very honored that Cathalee asked me to guest blog on her site. I currently run Crazy Lil Sports Lady, but am more than happy to talk about all things girly here. The good and the bad.

For those of you who don’t know, Cathalee and I have been friends for almost 16 years. I can honestly say, without a doubt, no one knows me better than she does. A couple of weeks ago I made a startling discovery that Cathalee and I have mirrored each other’s lives for the majority of our 16 years as friends.  Part 1: Haley, Cathalee and I all went to middle school together, high school together, worked at UA at the same time and actually graduated from UNT on the exact same day.  Part 2: Cathalee and I barely dated in high school but had ridiculous crushes GALORE. In college, we both had our first real relationships around the same time, after which we both got into our first long-term relationships. Cathalee’s ended in 2007; as for mine, we got married in 2004; the relationship more or less ended in 2007 as well, but our divorce wasn’t filed until 2008. Post each of these relationships, Cathalee and I both got involved with guys we fell harder for than ever before. Guys we would’ve done ANYTHING for. And unfortunately, we were both disposed of thanks to their own personal demons, insecurities and shortcomings. We were both told we deserved better, someone who could give us what we needed, yet we already knew what we wanted…and still want. Now the two  of us struggle every day to get through the heartbreak. What Cathalee has gone through for over a year now, I’ve only been going through for a month and a half. However, whether two years or 20, I don’t think this kind of pain ever gets easier. The wounds can heal, but the scars will always be there staring us in the face.

So over the last week, I’ve really started examining the type of guy I tend to attract. Cause OBVIOUSLY it ain’t right! I made a rule after my husband and I separated: “no more boys in their 20s.” Funny thing about rules, you have to follow them to do yourself any good. And I didn’t. The guys I’ve been involved with, to varying degrees, since then are currently 28, 26, 28 and 29. And seriously, that has been punishment enough for breaking my own rule. So anyway, the other day I was watching the season premiere of Entourage and Sloan said something to E that struck me like a damn bolt of lightning. As she was showing E the house she thinks he should rent so he can FINALLY live on his own, he mentioned for the upteenth time he wants to get back with her…and her response?

“You’re not going to be in a relationship so long as you live in a frat house.”

That was a slap to my face, because that ONE LINE  sums up a huge part of what is wrong with the guys I have dated. Well it’s not so much what is wrong with them, but why my search for a man is going wrong. So, please don’t misunderstand me, I am not dissing on these dudes.  To each his own when it comes to the way you want to live your life. If they want to live and play with their boys until they’re 35, more power to them. But I am not getting involved with that anymore, I value what self-respect I have left. Out of the 20-something year-old boys I mentioned above, only one of them lives alone…and trust me, it doesn’t count. My close girlfriends and I, all around the exact same age as them, ALL live alone. Including Haley who lives in New York City and me who lives in Los Angeles. The first and second largest cities in the country. My girlfriend Allyn in Dallas even owns her own house. And my girlfriend Nazy here in LA did at one time. The majority of the guys I know who live on their own are GAY. As females, I know we mature faster, but my God…do the straight guys EVER catch up to us? Therefore, Sloan’s line rings all sorts of true. I don’t think they are fully capable of being in a healthy, committed, long-term stable relationship until they leave mommy’s house, then leave the frat house and can manage life alone. And really, we need to quit trying to be in healthy, committed, long-term stable relationships with them until they do. Because, from what I hear, we deserve better.